Day 151

'Selective Hearing', Pen and Marker on Paper

Sometimes we hear everything and other times we chose to ignore those mutterings, those whose audibility we don't want to even consider acknowledging, as to do so would suggest that it exists within the realm of rational thought. Whilst ignoring much of what someone is saying can be considered rude the truth of the matter is we have to do this for our own sanity. If we don't censor or drown out the incessant meandering drivel that spills out of people's mouths like piping hot horribly made coffee, each syllabic drop of the conversation splashing onto your lap causing a searing pain that makes you want to scream uncontrollably but you can't because it's not what you do when your in the company of others... that is unless your happy to look like a complete asshole. It becomes about being able to pick out the key elements of a conversation so as to appear as though you actually give a shit, when the truth may be anything but and although it may seem a difficult skill to master you need not fret. The reason I say this is that most of the people who you actually have to do this with constantly are pretty happy to hear the sound of their own voice. So as long as you allow them to rattle on and utilise a few of the following techniques you'll do fine:

- A few affirmative grunts coupled with a nod of acknowledgement. (to show how intensely your listening) 

- A laugh of disbelief whilst saying in your high pitched surprised voice... 'really!' (to show that what you just haven't heard was absolutely shocking)  

- The old shake you head and make a 'pffhhhh' sound with your mouth (to show that there are no words to describe just how upsetting that thing you didn't actual hear was)

- Offer to do something for them that involves some sort of manual task that could be fraught with possible dangers. Something like making a cup of tea, what with all the hot water used or power sanding a donkeys hooves what with all the potential for groin kicks. The specifics of the task are not important but as the task is slathered in risk it requires your attention, meaning people are more understanding if you miss out parts of their story. 

- Keep your responses non specific and to a minimum, as short phrases can potentially act as a response to numerous questions.

The thing is it doesn't really matter if you're not really paying that much attention as normally feigning interest will get you through most interactions. Mainly as the people that you are most likely having to partially ignore aren't even aware as to just how bored, uninterested and close you are to forcing yourself into a self induced coma. The reason being that, as I said a few short sentences ago, they love the sound of their own voice. Their own self involvement in what they're saying means that you could take a trip to the salon and get you nails did, build an effigy of Lou Diamond Phillips out of cat hair and sticks or even have a little nap in the middle and they would be none the wiser. Its a self congratulatory, masturbatory fantasy where they are at the centre of existence and would happily talk over every sentence that you try and utter, as no matter what it is you have achieved they have done the same thing only better. It is for this reason that we should never feel bad for sometimes not paying full attention as they are clearly not paying full attention to us or they would realise just how little we actually care about the predominately one sided conversation that is occurring.