Day 158

'Killing Butterflies', Pen and Watercolour on Paper

'Killing Butterflies' is something that I heard recently that I found to have a certain violent poeticism to it, the phrase being in reference to having butterflies in your stomach. More specifically overcoming said butterflies and in turn that nervous feeling that you get when coming close to taking part in something potentially life changing or simply a little frightening. Throughout our life there will be many occasions where we will get that feeling that causes our stomach to twist in knots and every limb of our body to forget how to function as we become increasingly agitated at the mere thought of taking our first steps. It is the feeling that has us arguing with the voice of reason citing the adrenaline fuelled thrill of overcoming our fears as the main evidence in our case. There is this strange energy that encompasses us making forward momentum difficult as we sheepishly test the waters before retreating back to our comfort zone. There is an awkward to and fro, a duality to the situation that hinges upon the abject fear of the unfamiliar versus the warming glow of accomplishment. We tend to teeter on the edge between the two until either reason or stupidity outweighs the other and we finally make a decision as to what we should do. These moments then are ruled by a nervous energy that is reason why it is so difficult to go through with, whilst simultaneously being the main factor responsible for spurring us on to go ahead with it. It just takes a moment of clarity of lunacy to allows us to kill a few of the butterflies and push ourselves in the direction that we need to be moving.