Day 150

'Son Of A Gun', Pen and Marker on Paper

I've noticed that every so often things seem to get a little heavy with regards to the writing and subject matter, so it's always good to break things up with something a little more light hearted. I know I've spoke of it before, many a time in fact, about how the same series of words can be interpreted in other ways visually is highly intriguing to me. My reliance on idioms, homonyms and colloquialisms over the past few months though has sort of become of increasing importance as I find they are the perfect bridge between the image and the writing that accompanies it. The short title for each drawing immediately gives the impression of what today's drawing is about or why it came about. It helps create an understanding where in some places there may be slight confusion as to what exactly is the point of what is right in front of your eyes. With today's drawing it actually came about when thinking of another sketch that I never actually finished as I became distracted by a new train of thought. The issue was that although the concept vaguely fitted around the title of today, the image that was constantly in the back of my mind was something more in line with the drawing that I ended up doing today. While in some cases we have preconceived associations with a series of words, an occurrence, a sound or a taste it is something that can be easily disrupted. It's similar to that notion where something can go unnoticed for some time, however once you have seen it, it can then not be unseen. Once a new realisation comes around it is near impossible to focus on the old association or the original thought that you had. Instead you find that every time that you experience that same stimuli from now on you'll think of it in a completely different way.. well that is until something else comes along and alters your perceptions again.

Day 149

'The Weight is unbearable', Pen on Paper

It is easy to let things get a little too much sometimes and let the weight of a situation bear down upon us. It is at these times that we we often find ourselves at a loss, unable to comprehend the magnitude of a situation. It can be the overwhelming sense of responsibility or the complete and utter lack of control we now have over the unfurling events. In which ever way you are affected it is difficult to shrug off that feeling of inadequacy, to alleviate the cloud that hangs over us and to overcome the intense pressure that we have allowed ourself to become a victim of. Whilst pressure is something that is necessary to spur us on and keep us challenged, the problem is that we often allow the pressure to build by taking on more than we can handle. The result is that we create the perimeters by which we are more likely to make a mistake or allow things to fall apart. The realisation of which only adds to the already unbearable gravity of the situation that has already caused us to fall into deep despair. The only answer sometimes is to seek help and it is in these moments that we realise the people that we can count on the people that no matter what they will drop everything and come to your rescue. The best thing about those times where the weight is unbearable is when we are finally able to overcome what ever left us in that state in the first place, the sense of relief that washes over us is euphoric, So it is important then to remember that allow it may seem as if everything is crashing down around you the experience is one that will eventually pass, one that will eventually dissolve.

Day 148

'Snake', Pen on Paper

Trust is very important part of any relationship and one that is easily broken or lost, yet is subtlety bent on numerous occasions by all those involved. We all have secrets we'd rather each other never find out, we all blur the truth to save some ones feelings or spare our own and more often than not we tread a fine line that could see a friendship deteriorate should our deceptions be found out. The thing that is most beguiling though is that whilst we know that our actions can be devastating we still take advantage of people's trust whether it's due to jealousy, temptation or for whatever reason we still proceed to risk everything. We often know that what we have done is inconsiderate or just plain wrong too as we become racked with guilt, so much so that the desire to make an omission is much too overwhelming. The result being that we often share our deviances with someone else, the issue then being that should the cat be let out of the bag there is now more than one person entangled in the web of deceit that we have woven making the damage more widespread as the possibility is that more than one friendship can be ruined. What this then generates is a dynamic where whether you are the righteous, the deceiver or the confidant it is difficult to know how to proceed. Do you own up and weather the storm, do you tattle and break someone else's trust and do you have it within yourself to forgive someone for their deception. The notion of trust then is one that is vague as sometimes it is necessary to keep things hidden for the sake of someone else. It is complicated in that whilst honouring one person's trust you can be breaking another's and it is something that is all to easily abused and usually is.      

Day 147

'Use some force', Pen on Paper

There is a time for tact, a time where one should tread lightly be careful and above all conscientious and understanding, especially when dealing with a delicate subject. There is however a time where this approach only lends to exacerbate the problem and allow things to continue to spiral out of control. It is in these occasions where we must ignore the soft approach and be much more direct in order to get the required results. I understand that it can be hazardous to forgo tact in lieu of using an element of force as there is the aptitude for unparalleled failure or worse. It is then all about deciding the appropriate moment when we should hammer a point home and shock someone into a realisation or epiphany. Alternatively we also need to know when we need to avoid confrontation in all it's forms, so I guess it's that we need to use some force and only when it's necessary.

Day 146

'On the Sauce'. Pen and Marker on Paper

There is a common occurrence that we experience on most of the excursions that we partake in on a weekly basis, that being bumping into a long lost friend. The immediate outcome of such an interaction is dependant on firstly how long we knew the person and secondly how long it's been since last we met. In those instances we tend to handle each in much the same way, with an intensely euphoric embrace and a sense of disbelief and amazement. Unfortunately this is a feeling that is short lived, especially when the dreaded and unavoidable inquisition starts and we must stumble our way through a myriad of questions that although seemingly generic and innocent, prove only to insight panic as we try and maintain our composure and allure whilst being cross examined. The worst of these questions is the open ended, 'what have you been up to since I last saw you?', in the aftermath of such a statement we spend the immediate moments before the words reach our lips attempting to conjure up something that will make it seem like the time that has passed since our last encounter hasn't been wasted. We aim to prove that we have grown and developed as people, experienced life to its fullest and added a further layer of interesting into the very fabric of our persona. The inconvenient truth is though that our days have actually been filled with mediocrity, a banal existence that revolves around work, television and the occasional evening spent on the sauce trying to forget about the week that has just past. What we then do is latch onto any minor achievement, any small victory the most minuscule of accomplishments that they are unaware of to show that we have in fact been very busy. Failing that we feed people a few lines about how were still working non-stop in the job that we can't stand so as to get the money together for any number of ideas, notions and crack pot schemes that we intend to follow through on in the near future, when the likely hood is they will never come to fruition. In these moments though is it a case that we are trying to convince the person we are speaking to of our own self worth or ourselves? 

Whilst it is an uphill struggle to come through this kind of interaction what normally makes things worse is when that question is reciprocated by your old acquaintance, who then proceeds to rhyme of a list of their latest conquests making us feel microscopic in comparison. The thing is that no matter what it is that they tell you another person's life always appears more interesting than ours, when in fact they are in much the same boat as us. They still embellish ever little achievement, highlight all the positives whilst meanwhile polishing over all of the negatives. The problem is we're an enviable bunch so no matter how things are going we always assume that someone else has got it better, as such we covet those we believe to be successful. When on the other side of the looking glass they are doing exactly the same. So whilst it's always great to catch up, it is also the cause of so much uneasiness as we worry about appearing like a failure in front of someone that we were previously very close to. The important thing though to take from these encounters is to realise how little headway we have made since we last parted ways and use this as a means to drive us forward... that and to realise that we are all as full of shit as each other so the likely hood is what they are saying and doing is much the same as you.

Day 145

'365 Draws', Pen and Brown Paper on Paper.

Leading on from my statements from a few days ago I've started to think more about how to keep things fresh and push it that little bit further. I figured I'd start with something I've been meaning to do for a while was update the logo, as the initial one was only meant to be temporary until I took the time to redraft it. The thought being that I was looking for something a little more stylised and something that I could use to print up some publicity for the blog to try and increase awareness of what I'm doing. So today's drawing then is a rough draft of that, which I'm going to work on over the next while until I have something new and hopefully improved. Specifically when I talk of promotional material I'm thinking primarily of having some cards made up that I can leave or pass around so the drawing is also how I would envision the basic elements of that should appear. It's just down to a process of adapting and refining the aesthetics over the next few days until I'm happy with it, that means that this post will probably have a few more updates in the future whilst I do this.

'New Logo Draft 25/05/11'

Day 144

'A couple of loose... screws?', Pen and Watercolour on Paper

They say that the only things in life that are certain are death and taxes, well I would like to offer a further certainty to add to that list, that being that there are always going to be people that have a couple of screws loose up in that old head of theirs.

Day 143

'Cleanse one's Palette', Pen and Watercolour on Paper

Every once in a while it is a good idea to, 'Cleanse one's palette', so to speak and take a fresh approach to things. It is something that I have been thinking about for a while with regards to the 365 draws project as I often worry that as with most things in life I will allow it to become mundane, something I do rather than something I want to do. I don't propose any major changes as It still has to keep the basic concept of being a drawing a day, what I am considering however is how to expand on what I have done already. Thinking about how I can increase awareness of the project, how can I give it more weight and resonance, what other approaches can I take to make it more accessible to people and also generally how can I make a limited amount of time work more to my advantage. At the moment it is just a process of bouncing ideas around in my own head and off anyone who cares to listen but it is definitely something that I can see having an impact on the process in the coming weeks and months.

Day 142

'Go for the Juggler', Pen and Watercolour on Paper

The subject of today's drawing may seem a little abstract so thought I'd identify it before launching into the usual diatribe, it's of a juggling pin. From the subject of the drawing and the title you would probably have been quick to assume that it was going to be a further rant on how difficult it is to juggle the many facets of everyday life and maintain an element of control. You may have even considered that I would once again discuss at great length how easily we allow opportunities to slip through our grasp when instead we need to be less passive and make a beeline straight for the jugular, see what I did there juggler.. jugular... no... ah well never mind... If I'm completely honest they were the first two thoughts that went through my mind but they have been recurring themes in some shape or form so I figured I best look at things a little differently. As a result today is all about the show, the element of pageantry that we bring to communal  situations and how we spend the majority of our time in the presence of other people trying to highlight just how great we really are. We tend to do so by bringing all those mildly amusing yet inconsequential talents to the forefront, the party tricks whose aim it is to entertain, enthral and entice people to want to stay in our company a little longer. The more unique the talent the better too, as there are always those instances where we brazenly flaunt a specific talent or trick that we have picked up on our time on this earth only to have someone come along a few seconds later and nonchalantly overshadow our performance. Although not before uttering the phrase, 'ah... I haven't done this in ages and I'm not really that good', which only further adds insult to injury as they make your tour de force seem more like a tour de farce. It is a behaviour that is best surmised by the term peacocking, as we bring as much attention on ourselves as possible in the hope of winning people over... it's a primal instinct that's sole aim is to assert our dominance and provide the illusion that we are much more interesting than we sometimes are. This then inadvertently creates a necessity by which we need to continually discover new hidden talents in order to continue to put on a good show and keep a head of the curve, alternatively we can just sit lower in the pecking order allow everyone else to vie for the attentions of the group and once they've tired out every obscure hobby the have mastered, we can then swoop in with a witty remark and steal the limelight... it's much less effort.

 

Day 141

'The End was Nigh'

It seemed that the end was supposedly nigh today, however the predicted time of the Rapture has come and gone and prior to the forecast of widespread fire and brimstone, earthquakes sweeping westerly and spells of judgement across most of the world thus far it has been fairly subdued.

It was one of those things that I was not particularly au fait with until I overheard some people talking about it in the last few days and then saw some of the news reports on California's own Nostradamus Harold Camping, the man behind the not one but now two failed predictions of the end of the world, a man that was able to generate a massive influence on millions of people who then became devout followers. After reading some of these reports it is disturbing to see how those who were believers in Camping's so called 'teachings' reacted to their impending doom. Many of them quitting there jobs, selling there possessions and donating all their money to warning others of the oncoming rapture by purchasing billboards and advertising all in the name of Harold Camping. I've expressed some issues with religion before and while I can understand the need for some people to devote their lives to it, again it is things like this that show how easily it can be manipulated. To all of us whose train of thought is firmly placed within the realm of logic it is difficult to understand how people can actually get wrapped up in these things so easily but it happens. There is a mass hysteria that can come about by preying, forgive the unintended partially homophonic pun, on people's unflinching faith creating a destructive force capable of ruining peoples lives and the lives of those around them. Most of these people spent yesterday preparing like there was no tomorrow, the unfortunate truth being that it seems tomorrow will indeed come. What then happens for them next? after quitting their jobs, giving away their money, breaking off ties with friends and family that were non believers and devoting what was left of their lives to an event that failed to materialize. If the hand was on the other foot so to speak and the rapture did in fact occur I think whilst we may be have been red faced, possibly from the torrent of flames licking around us, we would have been able to put our hands up and say, 'well don't I look silly'. For some reason I fell though that it's possible that many of the 'believers' will still be unwavering, too stubbornly fervid in their convictions that some other recalculation will occur or some sign from god will explain the lack of bright flashes, the lack of millions floating to the heavens and the lack of smoten heathen carcases left behind to eternal torment. In saying this though there will still be those who must feel utterly dejected and it's going to be awkward to understand how to deal with their disappointment let alone console them... I mean it's not like you can use the usual tactic, 'ah... don't worry it's not like it's the end of the world'.

Day 140

'Gonna Skip this one out', Pen and Watercolour on Paper

Pretty self explanatory today, after my exploits of recent days spent up home I realise that it's all been a bit much and it's time to take a brief notion from yesterday's entry and run with it, the notion being to take a break and allow myself to recover. It is important to recharge one's batteries from time to time or run the risk of burning out and becoming a drained emotionless husk incapable of physical exertion of any sort. As a result I'm gonna skip this one out and just spend some time this weekend vegetating in front the TV, take in a movie and have an early night. Although it's only a temporary fix as I'm destined to repeat the same behaviours and end up right back where I am now, the thing is taking a few days to recoup and regroup for future endeavours is exactly what the doctor would order. In a few days I'll be back to my effervescent self, refreshed, rejuvenated and ready to jump to it again.

Day 139

'An Apple a day', Pen and Watercolour on Paper

We've all heard the old adage that, 'an apple a day keeps the doctor away', we understand that to remain healthy we need to eat right, exercise and treat our body like a temple. Yet even though we know the repercussions of not heeding this advice rather than worship at the alter we poison the very chalice we sup from by allowing all manner of crap to pass our lips. Not only this but we do it constantly until the point of ruin then attempt to make up for it all be detoxing for a few days and going for a five minute jog before collapsing in a sweaty fetid heap, gasping for air and barely able to control the involuntary muscle shuddering from our now jelly like legs. Every once in a while we find ourselves following this ritual, normally for a limited time as well, as it seems to pacify us enough that we can once again return to binging  until our hearts content. The strange thing is when it has gotten to a point where we are feeling a little under the weather the hypochondriac in us all leaves us with the impression that we are only inches away from deaths grasp. However rather than seek actually medical help we tend to diagnose ourself, convincing our own mind that the body is on the verge of collapse. Normally though it is the case that it is purely paranoia and all we really need is a short break, a good nights sleep and then we can get back to what we do best indulging and living in excess.

Day 138

'If I had a Hammer', Pen and Watercolour on Paper

I have always had a fondness for building things which probably comes from helping my dad with projects around the house when I was younger and also from working on a few jobs with him whilst he was a bricklayer. There's is just something that I find ultimately rewarding about making something that's useful with my own two hands from scratch. So in the past few years there have been a few projects that I have started or considered starting that I've never really gotten round to completing, always citing a lack of time for my inability to make any real headway. After deciding to carry out the 365 draws project it has given me a slightly different perspective, that being it is not that I don't have any time in which to carry out these tasks it's more that I dedicate that time to banal and unimportant things. Whilst I know have something important to do with my extra time in terms of my drawing a day challenge, I still believe that there is more time that I can utilise that is being wasted on other things to finally complete that which I've all ready begun and begin that which hasn't left the page yet. All it really comes down to is a more effective management of my time and setting myself a time-frame and a target that I want to reach. As with anything that we choose to do what is most likely to hold us back is ourself and our ability to discover new ways to avoid that which is most pertinent, that which we should actually be doing. It's down to us to be more proactive and more organised otherwise we can never move forward and instead are left wanting.

Day 137

'What a Waste', Pen and Watercolour on Paper

I believe I spoke before about how I am fascinated by the things that other people throw away and it has been a recurring theme in the drawings thus far to look at  those objects that have been discarded or left in a space. Thinking about it recently I find that one of the reasons being is that there are a lot of unique elements to discarded waste. For a start no two conglomerations of clutter or rubbish are the same, this lends to an ever changing and every evolving collection of objects to analyse. A further thing I find when looking at this subject matter in terms of drawing is the stark contrasts in colours and textures which prove useful in honing certain drawing skills. Furthermore although it's not something that is conventionally aesthetic there is something inherently interesting that when romanticised enough it takes on a beauty of it's own. This is something you'll find with most drawing, painting, sculpture or art in general... a lot of times it's not about what you actually see but the reasons as to why it was decided that you should see it that make it interesting. Even the most bland of objects, the most obtuse motifs can take on a whole new meaning and become much more poignant with the addition of a few thoughtfully constructed words. I mean let's face it it's generally what I've done with every drawing so far, generate that element of whimsy and charm by assigning it the duty of representing something more and something that you can relate to. Perhaps this process of assigning meaning is unnecessary and then again perhaps without it things wouldn't have the same potency, for the meantime I find the writing process to be cathartic and it helps in my eyes to justify the choices for each drawing. Furthermore it provides some sort of narrative and indication as to how the project is ticking over so maybe it's importance far out weighs the thought that it may be a waste of my time that could be spent doing something else.

Day 136

'Flop', Pen and Marker on Paper

I'd be lying if I said that I don't often worry as to what the eventual outcome of this project will be. Whilst I have many big ideas and hopes the thing that is always at the back of my mind is that I will allow things to end up on the back burner and never allow it to reach it's full potential. It is something that I have done more often than enough in the past, letting major opportunities slip by possible due to the fear of how it will be perceived. It may be that I'm worried that things will go too well and the prospect of success is much more difficult to get my head around than the cosy comfort that mediocrity exudes. A further and constant worry is that I will forget to do a drawing one day, or something will crop up that means I can't physically complete my task for that day leading to  an epic failure at the last. I guess it is idiotic to think that when we make plans that in the beginning we can see exactly how things will pan out, know the obstacles that we will be faced with and have prepared for them well in advance. The unfortunate truth is all we can do is plug away, take things one day at a time and do every thing we can to make it to the end. So who really  knows how things will end with this but I know one thing is for certain whether it is a flop or a victory... getting there is going to be half the fun.

Day 135

'Best Bar none', Pen on Paper

Again today I had to conjure up a drawing with limited materials and with the heady weekend I've been having so far it was only right that the surroundings I'd become accustomed to over the past few days be included in some way, shape or form.

In the rapid scrawlings of drunkard you can make out the optics of the local bar where me, my family and friends would spend some of our time whenever I get the chance to make it home. There is something great about your local as it's one of those places that is never too busy, you get to catch up with familiar faces and there is a welcoming atmosphere that puts you at ease as you know your in good company. It is also fair to say that some of the most entertaining experiences we have are from sharing stories at our local, trading witty remarks and pithy comebacks as we do our best to one up each other through the medium of jest. Most of the times you spend there follow a familiar path and whilst normally we get frustrated by repetition and the fear of becoming stuck in our ways, in this case the familiarity is one that is comforting and one that is friendly. This atmosphere that we experience is second to none as we are welcomed but on the other side of the glass it is a distinctly different feeling that we recognise. 

What I am referring to is those times when we happen to venture through the door of someone else's local to be greeted by the congregation of judging eyes peering right through to our very soul. Contrary to every thing that we feel when we are in our local this is the complete and unequivocal  reverse of all of those feelings, never have we been so uncomfortable, so out of place and so unwanted. Whilst in our local we wait for that familiar phrase, 'It's your round', here we await that interrogative question, 'so where are you from?', never has there been a feeling of unease like just after this seemingly innocent and basic question is asked. Under normal circumstances it's fine but in someone else's domain, a place where you don't belong the sinister quality of such a question, when uttered by a pathological drinker who is more furniture than man due to the amount of time he spends frequenting this establishment, is enough to send shivers down your spine. It is in these situations that we keep things to a minimum whilst still trying to appear affable and maintain an air of calm so as to do our best to fit in. It may be that his inquisitive nature is really just him attempting to be friendly but when your in an unfamiliar place it's difficult to not assume the worst. I find it compelling how the conflicting polarity of these two situations can occur under one roof as a result of something as petty as, yet some how ultimately defining as the particular grid reference you happened to grow up in. Whilst it can be difficult to know how to judge these occurrences we always now that at the end of the day... well it's night... but also that no matter yet there's always a place where every body knows you name and they are indeed always glad you came. 

Day 134

'Indispensable', Pen and Marker on Paper

I suppose this is in some ways a response to a post from a few days ago, that being Day 129, which had a distinctly negative aura about it. At the time it was fitting topic as it summed up the mood of the moment that it was conceived in however as is with almost every other negative there is an opposing positive, a polar opposite that attracts a feeling of elation that comes about in the wake of this negativity. While it is unavoidable that there will be times when we feel less than useful, it is absolutely inescapable that there will be times when we are depended upon. We will often find ourself to be indispensable in the eyes of those closest to us and it is in these instances that we know our true worth. It is an incredibly uplifting feeling when someone  values your opinion, your input and your help so much that you become the person that they turn to in their hour of need. Having this role of confidant, fixer and motivator is of the utmost importance not only to those that we are closest to but to ourselves as well. It is in these moments that we reinforce friendships, we highlight how important those relationships are and we find out that we are needed, that we are necessary. Although, it is not something that is destined to last forever and it is only a matter of time until we get that disposable feeling again. In saying this though it is important to ride on the crest of that wave for as long as we can, all the while finding  reassurance in the fact that much in the same way that people will turn to us for help we to can do the same with them.

Day 133

'Life's a gamble', Pen on a Betting slip

As expected things took a turn for the perverse today with much hilarity and way too much imbibing in occurrence. I could shift the blame towards my brother for being a bad influence, however I do believe we are as bad as each other and together were much... much worse. Not content with being in the process of becoming quite drunk, I was also able to make matters more difficult by forgetting to bring a sketch book with me as well. Luckily being capable of great feats of ingenuity is a particular skill I have... in a somewhat limited capacity, more limited by my current state. However asking the barmaid for some paper and a pen was still well within my cognitive ability, I managed to scavenge the above betting slip which actually ended up quite fitting in the current circumstances. The reason being my brother was currently involved in gambling his money away on a poker machine, which brought about the above illustration, which I think could work well again as with the other illustrations as a t-shirt concept. Gambling is something that we all do and is not just restricted to the monetary form we often associate with the term. While in most case gambling involves betting with our money or possessions it can be a completely different beast all together. We may be taking a risk on an opportunity that presents itself, a friendly wager between friends for pride and honour or it could even be dicing with death as a daredevil and thrill seeker. Which ever way you look at it we are all liable to have gambled to some extent in our lives whether we realised it or not. In the case of my brother his penchant for a flutter is something that I admire greatly mostly due to the mantra that goes with it, something that he often announces.The particular motto I refer to is, 'it's shite or bust!', an all or nothing attitude where more often than not he comes up smelling of roses rather than the aforementioned faecal matter. The point to take from this is that life is in fact one long succession of gambles and it's important every once in a while to say, 'fuck it!... why not roll the dice'.  Putting everything on the line gives us the the possibility of joyous success or complete ruin, it is up to us to chose the right time to risk it all but in any instance it can be just worth having a go.

Day 132

'Some change will do you good', Pen on Paper

The next few days I envision the drawings are going to be fairly rapid as I went straight to an exhibit after work, hence this evening's quick sketch. I plan to be home for a few days as well, seen as I haven't been home since January, haven't not seen my brother since then either the likelihood is that I will spend much of my time in pubs for banter and bonding, which should prove interesting if not for the subject matter of the drawings then the adjoining blurb that accompanies it. 

Anyway time to get back to the theme of today which came about as the friends I spent the evening with I have been speaking to recently and a common notion has raised its head. That being that we have either been discussing changes in our lives that have happened recently or changes that we would like to see happen soon. From changes in vocation, to changes of surroundings, to changes in the relationships that we have with those around us. We often crave change as they always say that a change can do you good, but recently I came to the conclusion that this is only to an extent. While change offers new possibilities, a new direction or even a new beginning it can also throw you completely off course. A sudden change can turn your whole existence upside down, leaving you unable to comprehend exactly how to fit all the pieces back together again. To me it seems there are two distinct types of change the unexpected and the predetermined, you would assume that the unexpected is the one that usually ends badly and the predetermined is the one that you are in full control of that can only end well... this again is not necessarily the case. All change has the capability of success and failure, it is all about how we embrace the change and bend it to our will so that we can make the best of it. It is important though not to fear change but as I see it rather than 'a change', it is 'some change' that will do you good. It is just trying to decipher which change offers the most opportunity and which will leave you stranded that is the problem, and also what is so exciting about trying to make a change.

Day 131

'If it is broke try and fix it', Pen and Watercolour on Paper

I have to admit I get a bit of a kick out of attempting to put things back together again, as unremarkable or tedious as that may seem there is just something that is ultimately satisfying about breathing new life into something that had just about admitted defeat. For the most part we do this out of necessity as maybe there is no other alternative at the time, however sometimes it is because a part of us doesn't want to let go. The reason being that up to this point this thing has served it's purpose well, been dependable and we have formed some sort of strange bond with it. Discarding it then as if it was yesterdays newspaper doesn't seem like the right thing to do as it has become too familiar, too loved and too essential. People often say of things that are working just fine that if it, 'ain't broke don't fix it'... well if that's the case then if it is broke maybe we should try and fix it.

Day 130

'Joker of the Pack', Pen and Marker on Paper

Today's drawing was a swift one as I hadn't much time to spare but one I think that illustrates a point. Often throughout your life you'll find yourself to have close friends that you'll see and spend time with regularly. This is something that evolves greatly over time also as there are people that you grew up with, went to school with, went to college with, worked with, lived with and any other number if iterations of people that you did something 'with'. Over time many of these people enter your life make there mark and leave again without a trace, whilst others cling on for dear life for the fear of losing you. All throughout those relationships there is always one common factor, that being the pack mentality, you will always find that there are a core group of friends that are all connected. The dynamic of the group, especially if any film or sitcom throughout the years is anything to go by, will comprise of some or all of the following... the leader, the joker, the serious one, the geeky one, the know it all, the idiot, the fanatic, the loser, the stud, the ugly one, the badass, the camp one, the weird one and again any number of variations on a character with a singular personality. The point then I have so far been avoiding but will now hopefully hammer home eloquently and with great perspicacity is... that no one is truly as one dimensional as most film, TV and media portrays. Instead we are an amalgamation of many of these personality traits so much so that we are indefinitely unique, multi dimensional and capable of being any one of the aforementioned archetypal characters at any given time. The portrayal of people in films and TV as having a very clearly defined persona is probably just a means of outlining what we are supposed to think about that the person straight from the outset. They create something that is one dimensional so that it is easily digestible and instantly recognisable, so that we can decide this is a good guy, that is a bad guy, I should hate that one, I should like that one, it is now time to be sad, it is now time to cue the applause. The unfortunate knock on effect of this is that we assign these perimeters to the relationships that we have in our own lives likening everyone we know to some character we've seen on the latest episode of whatever, sometimes even going as far as to complete one of those quizzes on Facebook with the title, 'Which (insert socially relevant film/TV show here) character are you?' when the truth is we answer the question in such a way as to end up being our favourite character anyway. I think though that it is inevitable that we do this as it's something that is deep seated in our nature to judge, form opinion and label something as we see fit. In fact it's pretty much what I've been doing all along with the spurious drivel I tend to compose and attach to each of the drawings on a daily basis. So by complaining about this does that make me a hypocrite... I suppose it does but then by admitting I'm a hypocrite that would suggest that I am in fact not being hypocritical, I think I'll leave you with that notion to allow it to gestate and possibly bemuse you.

Day 129

'Disposable', Pen and Marker on Paper

Every once in a while a series of events can bear down upon us leaving us with that feeling of being a little less than useful, a little disposable, the kind feeling where you question your worth in any given situation. We all can get like this and for the most part we attempt to put on a brave face and persevere, although it's difficult to avoid and when your on the other side looking in it's difficult not to notice. When you see that shift in someone's disposition it is not easy to find the right way to broach the situation and ensure you can deal with it in a tactful and respectful manner. It normally seems to be the case that we do our best to make light of the moment in a bid to raise their spirits or we try in vain to empathise citing that well worn out phrase, 'I know exactly how you feel', just before spending the time to explicate as to how the situation we were in was much worse. It's bizarre to me that in trying to help someone we end up putting the focus on ourselves which is either as we are trying to generate the illusion that we understand, possibly even to selflessly offer or own pain and weakness as a means of showing that things are not as bad as they seem or alternatively it's our own selfish why of making things all about us. I have much disdain for people that can be so incredulously self centred, unfortunately there is a very fine line between each of these behaviours so it may be that we inadvertently do this without meaning to. Thus we can end up seeming as though we believe that the world revolves around us, this of course is not the case as every one knows it actually revolves around the sun... which it just so happens shines out of our arse.

Day 128

'All  under control', Pen and Marker on Paper

The struggles we have on a daily basis all seem to boil down to the principles of chaos and order, the difficulty in maintaining control over the varying strands of our every day existence. I see a major part of being in control is asserting yourself in a situation and understanding your role within that. There are many things that we utilise to attempt to gain some leverage on any given situation to wrestle it under our control. We make notes so we know what we have done in the past, we make lists so we know what we need to do next and we make plans so that we know what we want to achieve later. We have also found this ability to generate numerous gadgets, gizmo's and accoutrements as a means of limiting chaos, as they provide us with further tools to make things more efficient, more reliable or just more simple. You can also see that many people like to rely on routine, many people rely on the kindness of others and many people know that a lot of the time you can only really rely on yourself if you want to get things in order. All to often we wait and wait for things to fall into place when really the chances of this happening are slim to none, it is imperative then that if wish to have everything 'all under control' that we realise that the onus is firmly on us to do so.

Day 127

'All Jacked up', Pen and Marker on Paper

It's sometimes easy to get caught up in the moment and allow our morbid curiosity to overrule our common sense and better judgement. One reason seems to be that our search for adding that extra bit of excitement to our lives or alternatively the notion that we might miss out on that chance of a thrill creates a buzz that doesn't allow us to go out with a whimper. Instead we tend to allow that excitement to rile us up and get us into those situations some good ,some bad and some just plain hilarious. It's not good for your health to get this way to often but every once in a while it really is necessary.

Day 126

'Seemed Like an Idea', Pen and Marker on Paper

I've always been one of those people whose mind is overrun with ideas, thoughts and notions but I don't always make the most of them. Thinking about this recently one of the reasons being as I'm sure most of you will agree it's sometimes hard to decipher between what defines a good idea and what constitutes an idiotic one. As when you think about it all ideas seem to start off with that instance that normally sounds something along the lines of, 'wait a minute I've got a great idea', so all ideas there are inherently great in their conception. What then really marks the difference between a good idea and a bad one is none other than the passage of time... time allows us to reflect upon our brilliant scheme and see just how inconceivable it really is. This lends us to come to that similar conclusion all to often of,  'it seemed like a good idea at the time'. The issue then becomes that as we shoot down many of these ideas or have it done by another marksmen it begins to become increasingly more difficult to differentiate between a good idea and a bad one. As we allow ourselves to believe the idea to be idiotic before it's even had the time to gestate and gather momentum. The result is many of the ideas that we have that could actually end in something great become forgotten. It is important then that when we have an idea to dwell upon it a little longer... as although time can cause an idea to seem more daunting it can also allow us to figure out what to do next.

Day 125

'Call me Al', Pencil on Paper

Had a Little more time than usual today so thought that I would spend a bit more time with the drawing, as recently I've had to do mostly quick sketches due to time constraints. Having extra time allowed me to also get back to drawing more of the people that have been a large part of my life for the last few years. Over the next few months I want to attempt to do at least one of these portrait drawings per week, as this is a skill that I really want to improve upon. Anyway there isn't much more to say today other than another day another 'draw' and you can call him Al.

Day 124

'Something I forgot to do', Pen and Marker on Paper

It's funny how we always seem to be remembered of that thing that we forgot to do at that exact moment were we should have had it done. Sometimes it's by stumbling upon the unfinished task ourselves, other times it's happening upon the actual person that we were supposed to carry out the task for. It all lends to giving us that terrible feeling of having just disappointed someone, leaving us to then have to shuffle awkwardly around our words trying to formulate some tenuous excuse to justify our inability to keep a promise. The worst thing is the real reason for not having done this is simply as something else more interesting came along, like watching hour after hour of vapid drivel on TV, rearrange the objects on you desk, trawling the internet for hours clicking on link after link to something that has the tag line 'epic fail', just staring into space vacantly waiting for something more interesting to occur. My point here is that even the most inane things we can possibly conceive are enough to distract us from the real task at hand, it's a case that we are serial procrastinators and most likely will always be that way. The important thing is that eventually we all get round to doing those things that we are supposed to it just takes much longer than we initially conceived.

Day 123

'One door closes', Pen on Paper

One door closes and another opens is one of those old idioms that people have a habit of uttering whenever a rued opportunity raises its head, however there is a little more to that phrase in a few of its other iterations and variations.

"when one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us". (this variation is attributed to Alexander Graham Bell)

While normally the phrase is uttered as a means to maintain an air of optimism, in it's entirety the phrase has a slightly different meaning. It lends to highlight that in these moments when opportunity slips our grasp we tend to focus on the rued chance more than the new opportunity. The optimism that we so often speak of is seemingly lost on us then as we are to preoccupied with the door that has just been shut in our face. The result being that we tend to let a further opportunity pass us by and as the cyclical nature of the beast maintains once this opportunity is missed then another one is sure to raise its head. Things are then destined to follow this pattern, that is until the optimism that we allude to finally overwhelms and something gives just long enough for us to break the cycle and finally take advantage of a chance to do something different. 

Day 122

'Minimal gardening', Pen on Paper

One of my house mates and I have been talking about growing our own vegetables recently, it's something that I need to look into in a lot more detail before jumping into things headlong. In saying this though it would be quite amazing to actually do it, as a result been thinking about what form it would take, as firstly we have limited space and secondly we rent a house so cant really turn the garden into a vegetable patch without pissing someone off. For this reason it needs to be a structure that takes up little space is functional and hopefully looks in place and aesthetically pleasing. The drawing then is a brief concept pertaining to the notion of 'better out than in' as if I didn't put something down on paper it would just gestate and possible lose all momentum. It is very early stages but I think it has a lot of potential to be developed a little further as my understanding of what exactly is involved grows.

Day 121

'Techno for an Answer, Pen on Paper'

Another concept for an illustration that came from a a very brief conversation last night for names for band albums, this being for the Techno infused concept album. As I alluded to recently I'm thinking about indulging my desire to learn some sort of musical instrument, who knows maybe I'll develop a penchant for Techno and this can be my first release.